Real Talk || Do You Write?



Anyone like to write?

Poetry or Fiction?


Fun Fact... I do both!


So what do I write about...
Probably horses right?

Actually, no. Well kinda, but not really. However, yes.


I started writing horse stories at first but they never really got written. They just played in my mind and I only wrote down the characters and their traits.
Then a year later I wrote my first piece of poetry about... You guessed it! Horses..

Some time passed. Life got complicated. And a year later I was writing "dark poetry". It was depressing. And to be honest sometimes scary. I struggled for years with writing dark poetry. In a way it helped me. A lot! I would get so down and have thoughts screaming in my head until I wrote them down. Once written my mind quieted for while. 

So now your probably wondering if I have depression, right? Have I gone to see a doctor for it? The answer? Nope! Now that doesn't mean I don't though. I just never talked to a "Doctor" about it. I was once asked by one if I had any family history of it. I told her the truth, yes. She then asked if I had any issues or thoughts of suicide. To which I said with a smirk "Nothing I'd act on".
With my Fathers help I've come to realize that I do in fact probably have depression. And anxiety. Who doesn't right?!

So back to my story... All my dark poetry added up to a few notebooks worth. I treasured them. They were part of me. But a toxic part. I had to cut it off. I could not allow them to take over. I threw them away. It was VERY difficult. They had become my defining thoughts. Having them kept me grounded and sane. But I was sinking underground. They weighed me down that much. I was bitter. And once you're bitten with being bitter it is very difficult to be happy again. But I was determined. I was tired. But I couldn't give up on happiness at 16.
After throwing them away I felt free'd up. Like the weight was lifted. They were my emotional burdens and I let them go.
I still suffered panic attacks but I let music soothe me and friends distract me.
Later I tried writing about horses again. Started and restarted a book until I realized writing a horse book was a mistake. Like any book I got too detailed and stuck. 
So I went to sci-fy. What a change!

I did better but lost interest. After a few other attempts at non-horse fiction my best one was about a group of teens trying to stop a war by finding an ancient artifact. That one is in my moms old computer....

But like any writer my computer has several 10 page or less story start-ups that I either got stuck or lost interest in but kept just in case.
Viola! One day I have inspiration and got quite a bit done in a story about....equestrians!
It took a few years or so to figure out how to actually write what I see in my mind.

But now that I've made you read my own sap story I will ask if you guys actually want to read some of this fictional equestrian story I've had locked away in my computer?
Leave your answer in the comments!!!

Comments

  1. Replies
    1. Ok! Awesome😄 I will put some up soon😊

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  2. I'd love too! Thanks for sharing your story. I know it can't be easy. Depression is real and very hard to overcome. So I'm proud of you! You're a diamond. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Aww thank you Hannah! I'm much more comfortable talking about it now than I was back then. I will post some of the story asap

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