Monday, February 27, 2017

Real Talk || Do You Write?



Anyone like to write?

Poetry or Fiction?

Fun Fact... I do both!


So what do I write about...
Probably horses right?

Actually, no. Well kinda, but not really. However, yes.


I started writing horse stories at first but they never really got written. They just played in my mind and I only wrote down the characters and their traits.
Then a year later I wrote my first piece of poetry about... You guessed it! Horses..

Some time passed. Life got complicated. And a year later I was writing "dark poetry". It was depressing. And to be honest sometimes scary. I struggled for years with writing dark poetry. In a way it helped me. A lot! I would get so down and have thoughts screaming in my head until I wrote them down. Once written my mind quieted for while. 

So now your probably wondering if I have depression, right? Have I gone to see a doctor for it? The answer? Nope! Now that doesn't mean I don't though. I just never talked to a "Doctor" about it. I was once asked by one if I had any family history of it. I told her the truth, yes. She then asked if I had any issues or thoughts of suicide. To which I said with a smirk "Nothing I'd act on".
With my Fathers help I've come to realize that I do in fact probably have depression. And anxiety. Who doesn't right?!

So back to my story... All my dark poetry added up to a few notebooks worth. I treasured them. They were part of me. But a toxic part. I had to cut it off. I could not allow them to take over. I threw them away. It was VERY difficult. They had become my defining thoughts. Having them kept me grounded and sane. But I was sinking underground. They weighed me down that much. I was bitter. And once you're bitten with being bitter it is very difficult to be happy again. But I was determined. I was tired. But I couldn't give up on happiness at 16.
After throwing them away I felt free'd up. Like the weight was lifted. They were my emotional burdens and I let them go.
I still suffered panic attacks but I let music soothe me and friends distract me.
Later I tried writing about horses again. Started and restarted a book until I realized writing a horse book was a mistake. Like any book I got too detailed and stuck. 
So I went to sci-fy. What a change!

I did better but lost interest. After a few other attempts at non-horse fiction my best one was about a group of teens trying to stop a war by finding an ancient artifact. That one is in my moms old computer....

But like any writer my computer has several 10 page or less story start-ups that I either got stuck or lost interest in but kept just in case.
Viola! One day I have inspiration and got quite a bit done in a story about....equestrians!
It took a few years or so to figure out how to actually write what I see in my mind.

But now that I've made you read my own sap story I will ask if you guys actually want to read some of this fictional equestrian story I've had locked away in my computer?
Leave your answer in the comments!!!

4 comments:

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    1. Ok! Awesome😄 I will put some up soon😊

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  2. I'd love too! Thanks for sharing your story. I know it can't be easy. Depression is real and very hard to overcome. So I'm proud of you! You're a diamond. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Aww thank you Hannah! I'm much more comfortable talking about it now than I was back then. I will post some of the story asap

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